How does one move on from terrible loss? All we have is grief.
Grief carries us through the shock and pain, through the fires and earthquakes of rage, through the fists clutching at empty air, through fingers grasping at eternity if it would bring back what can never be. It carries us through the powerlessness of throwing one’s self against the locked and barred gates of the universe before crumpling into a useless heap of tears. It carries us through the heaving and sobbing, through the lifeless hands and grayed out world, through the numbness and loss of desire to exist.
Grief holds our limp body in its arms and waits patiently until we are ready.
Then it lays us gently down and curls up beside, looks us in the eyes and says softly, “I know you think I’m going to tell you to let go. You think I should. You wish you could. And you will let go of some things in due time. But you can’t let go of everything. You just can’t, and you shouldn’t. It’s impossible and would violate your nature to do so. You weren’t made with that capacity.”
We stare back. The words seem distant at first, then pierce us quickly like an arrow. It all rushes in again and is gone: denial, shock, despair, rage, sadness, brokenness, numbness. Tears begin to form anew. We don’t know what to say or even what to think.
“To fully let go would be to deny that it ever meant anything. It did mean something. No, you must not let go of what you had or longed for or of what this has done and is doing.
“You must not move past this – rather, it must become a part of you. You will not be what you were. You will begin to see what is and begin to understand how this loss has shaped the present and will continue to shape the future.
“What could have been or what should be is what threatens to undo everything that was. This is what must be released.
“Step into this present and future. Live in it and live it without letting go of everything you had and held dear, or even of the heart within you that was able to imagine the future that will never be and now torments you. What your heart imagines is forever gone and can never be, but the fact that you saw it and it haunts you speaks of a desire and longing that if brought into what is and will be can become something new and resurrected.
“You were captured, bound, and driven down a road you never wanted to travel – an ugly twisted harsh road that punishes and defeats. You see only the shadow of the hand that whips your back, but soon you will notice the whip and bonds are gone and you are not alone. You will meet other souls on this road you would not have met otherwise – some of whom will be the souls of people you thought you knew before. Reach out to them – let them reach out to you. Connect with those in your life.
“These connections can never be what you lost, but what you lost can never be what you will find.”
Beauty I Have Known 
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